motivation

what's our motivation for the practice of yoga, a?

i've been re-deliving into some buddhist lectures recorded from my 10-day silent retreat in dharamsala. the nun in it says that the goal of buddhism is not to become happy. it's to become enlightened. yes, very inspiring indeed. but if i'm to accomplish this in 10 lifetimes or less - am i going to have a social life? am i going to have friends? am i ever going to visit my family? will i be there for my mom when she gets old?

i'm sorry, but these things are important to me.

i'm reading this book by Swami Vivekananda called Raja Yoga, and it's super badass. it mentions all of these special powers that a yogi can have, once they harness their subtle mind - like reading other people's mind, walking through walls...wow! exciting, tantalizing, no?

but a 'right' motivation? nuh uh. i don't think so!

i know that the highest goal of yoga is to become enlightened. and yes i want to be a little shining buddha one day. but at the same time, i feel a bit of angst when i think of really, truly 'going for it', and completely shedding this world and the attachment that comes with it.

in the end, i like being happy, when i'm in that place. since i started practicing yoga, i'm in that happy place, santosha, more and more. and that's inspiring for me.

i guess it boils down to: what inspires you? what stirs your blood and makes you bubble inside? what makes you shine, what makes this world a brighter place?

today, i vote for inspiration over obligation...

here's to it!

...as follows...

and one more nugget

"Desire, when grounded in Universal, is life-affirming and positive."

i think that even patanjali would have to agree with that one. it answers my ever-lingering about the imperfection of the tantra philosophy. why celebrate the ego? sure it's funner and more joyous and you spread more joy in the world (hmm = all solid reasons in fact) - but it's such a slippery slope, that gosh-darned ego. and it always bites you in the end!

but this quote has a caveat...the caveat! root your desire in the Universal, in Shiva, in the Love and Truth that this world is. it's the same same but different: Patanjali says to tell your ego to f*ck itself - focus instead on the Divine and shed that f*cker.

word.

but then here comes this tantric philosophy - ok to have desire, just root it in the Universal - thereby shedding your selfish wants and needs, plugging in to something greater - and voila! you've tricked the aspirant into shedding the ego, living for the greater good.

although one cannot truthfully say "just" root desire in the Universal - it is still a discipline to constantly turn your attention to something greater. but ranks high in the gamut of rewarding habits. for sheezey.

and just one more - you still run into the "problem" they warn you about in the sutras ("they" = Patanjali), which is once we achieve union with the divine, the Very Good Little Yogi doesn't even have attachment to that, and to be vigilant b/c once you start getting super special powers you damn well better be a Very Good Little Yogi. better not get attached to how awesome you are, all close up to the Divine and sh*t. [sorry for the cussing, ab, but it's tantrika ;]

ok ok i go, with just one wee reminder of another time/space that was all tantra, all the time:

........

friday night is the new monday night

what better to do on a friday night than stay in and rediscover my yoga teacher training notebook from anusara immersion iii in 2007? at the middle age of thirty-one, my friday nights invariably consist of staying home in my sweatpants...seems more like a monday, and i'll reckon that's how it should be.

i came across my quiz - questions like: what does kidney loop do in plank pose? my answer: counters the tendency of the mid-back sag, and keeps energy flowing through the body. could one not argue, dear beard, that kidney loop HOLDS THAT SHIT TOGETHER? i mean take kidney loop away from your plank pose and we've got a belly that pokes down, a cow pose in plank pose (it makes me cringe, and slightly nauseated to be frank). your arm bones grinding on their socket joints. dumping into the lower back with no support from said arms...head likely crunching into the neck.

yeck! no more of this imaginary (but unfortunately not imaginary enough) scenario. bring back the kidney loop - and voila! a full and hearty back body, well positioned to base the shoulders - give some lift to the back body so that the shoulders can tip in and allow the heart to melt with fullness instead of sogginess. [i'm not sure if we have any followers anymore, but if we do: i'm sorry, this likely sounds like maniacal drivel, which, i don't deny, it kind of is ;]

and then of course we have our friendly pelvic loop - which may really be the centerpointe of it all, and it probably is. but the kidney loop in plank is unsung! two indianan cents would be appreciated :)

the vip

back from vipassana. gotta love the buddhists- their philosophy of life
and the human experience layed out so neatly, a solid structure to
flow within. my mind is calm.

upon my return, i was getting something in the garage, when i spotted
a serenity prayer picture, hanging the window. again, a homemade thing,
this time with with purple silk hydrangea flowers hot glued onto the frame.

i think i found it out there in the meditation center, a few moments of inner peace.

luv ya,

ab

p.s. your recent gratitude picks are much to my liking. big gratitude!

gracious

oh wow, you're heading to vipassana?! "enjoy" in some sense of that term. you will benefit hugely.

i missed a day b/c i didn't have the internet yesterday, so...:

1. days without the internet, stellar slow-downs
2. carrot juice, fresh-squozen yumminess
3. friends getting rid of things that you can use
4. recycling anything ever
5. plants: roots, stems, leaves, and life...so beautiful
6. the cooing of the dove outside that calls me to meditate and to remind me of home (is this a double? if so i'm ok with being doubly thankful for that little guy ;)
7. chocolate chip cookies
8. overcast days that say, 'stay inside and get things done, and while you're at it, relax a little.'
9. avocados.
10. summer tans and the smell of sunscreen
11. surprise visits to a partner, anticipation is a fun little ride

au revoir

ecstatic gratitude listing

1. dream appearance by the dalai lama! like, really
2. surprise 'clarity thai massage', clearing up some energy lines and bubbles of clarity rising in the ajna chakra
3. delicious little michigan plum from aunt pat this a.m.
4. roadtrips
5. fresh starts
6. spontaneous storytelling
7. healing
8. beautiful memories
9. a murder of crows cackling out a good time
10. heading now to vipassana!!!

take care dear one.

xo

gratitude practice

1. Forgiveness of self or another. Forgiveness from another.

2. Constant golden retriever love.

3. Full-body immersion in freshwater lake- the particular purity and softness of freshwater.

4. Thai massage! An experienced thai practitioner goddess that gets to the bottom of long lingering issues in my friend's body.

5. Serendipity!

6. Knees...bring us forward with each step.

7. When "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night" comes on the radio

8. Indiana sweet corn, nature's beautiful variations in its alternating white and yellow kernels

9. The asanas that challenge deeply everyday and the instant reward of embracing the sensation as it is

10. Earplugs...granting quiet sleep almost anywhere

dix choses

today, i am grateful for:

1. this little button on blogger that you can just 1, 2, 3 bullet points
2. index fingers. was chatting with a gal last night about this blog - being grateful for the thumb. she shared an unfortunate index finger manicure experience, and index fingers are important too!
3. the wind, particularly as i was strolling by a cat-litter-box-filled trashcan, and the breeze came by to alleviate that situation.
4. dolphins. they have inspired me since age 7, and they inspire me to go surfing all the time. when i think of the possibility of seeing a dolphin in the ocean, i get my butt out there and get thrashed in ma blue, and it's always the ass-kicking and refresher that the doctor ordered.
5. surfing! wow that's good fun, even though i'm...still in a beginner's mind...and body!
6. raunchniness. where would we be, ab, without it? even purity begs a balance.
7. french bulldogs! holy cuteness! have you seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0-Sv6YnxEc
8. youtube! how else could we share french bulldogs can't roll over? global community come together!
9. japan, for their refined culture, manners, politesse, and healthy diet. fuji apples for dessert?! not quite there yet, but i'll letchya know...
10. morning doves cooing. their call reminds me of home, and of the place i stayed for vipassana meditation...always a call to sit, breathe, and be.

mucho greatful

good morning sunshine................mucho grateful for...........

1. resistance to shopping but i go inside. a moment of persistance brings perfect beach outfits to me as if by magic (and yes, owning a bathing suit is a necessity here in the steamy midwest jungle)

2. grace is good

3. accepted into vipassana meditation course

4. older and wiser friends

5. friends with compassion

6. dave's homemade donuts (deep fried in oil)

7. redunkulous bag of hand-me-downs with a copy of 'committed' included, turns out a deeply thoughtful well-researched fun book.

8. persistant 4 yr old who wants big hugs instead of letting me finish this blog

9. daily dose of led (zepellin)

10. mom sets aside some vegetarian taco salad for her yogini daughter. grateful for her thoughtfulness.

xoxo

gratitudinally

ooh, delicious, delightful entry from miss beard...

today i'm grateful for

1. the ability to sweat. it feels good, and thank you, human body for taking in what you need and letting go of what no longer serves you [or me]
2. spontaneity - freedom to pull into a parking lot ready to do my shopping, feeling like, this isn't where i want to be - and going to hang out with friends.
3. dictionary.com, for spelling help on #2 and any other word at the tap of my fingers
4. onomatopoeia [#3 again] - for cool words like, 'pop!', 'boom!', 'schwaap!', 'bluurb!'
5. kind people with common interests
6. rats - they are cool pets, so loving and mellow
7. friends. friends from far away, friends who need help - especially grateful for the ability to serve and make another person feel their own value, their own light, and their own love.
8. the beach! black's beach, the most beautiful beach in san diego...basking glorious beauty.
9. ear plugs. i'd be sleep-deprived and crabby without ear plugs.
10. fresh tomatoes pulled from the garden, plopped straight into my mouf. nummmmm!

counting blessings

mmmmmmm....i was sitting on our kitchen counter yesterday like i used to as a kid, sipping smoky gunpowder green tea and counting my blessings. here are some...


1. purring contented cat resting at my feet

2. fresh new blooms in the garden- white oriental lilies, big red hibiscus

3. aloe plant to soothe summer skin

4. open throat chakras

5. organic cotton panties i bought that are too small for my hinder- friend out west
whom they will fit.

6. tantra

7. comforting old friends, shining new friends, expansive spider web of kula friends

8. henna and hookahs

9. 70's folk rock music

10. dinners out with dad and conversations about color with mom

transform with gratitude

hey ab -

wanna conspire with me on this idea? every day for a week we write ten things for which we're grateful. k, i'll go first:

1. i'm grateful for ocean waves, for they are fun to frolic in
2. gardenias. no smell so intoxicating
3. i'm grateful for my mom, her love, and her baked goods.
4. i'm grateful for my dad, and his big soft heart.
5. i'm grateful for my lifestyle, that i was able to play at the beach this morning and hang out this a friend this afternoon.
6. honeydew bras. wow, they're comfortable!
7. comfy undies for that matter. you know what a chafe it is to hear undies that ride up - this could be a version of purgatory as far as i'm concerned.
8. thumbs. man, they're so useful. you don't take a moment to appreciate your thumbs until you get a cut or a sprain. even wiping your bum becomes an issue if you were to have no use of your thumbs. of course, toilet paper isn't something i'm super grateful for, but i'll leave my potty talk [from this point on :] out of our blog space.
9. friends with beautiful green eyes.
10. yoga. specifically, today, the breath. the connection to inner and outer and the bringer of balance on a basis of even seconds. you don't even have to wait a whole minute for the balance of an exhale to follow an inhale.

hmm. that felt pretty good. u?

i'm on it

mev,

people have been recommending that i read tom robbins for years. they think i'll love it and understand it so thoroughly that it will give them immense pleasure just for me to read it and then to report back how much i enjoyed and got it. so, i'll pick up a book of his and start it thinking 'oh yes, this is just the type of writing i will love' and then don't get into it, thereby disappointing me, them, everybody. maybe i was just waiting all these years for this particular book of robbins, with a female protagonist to whom i relate so much and share the same name. another roadside attraction is an absurd delight! a complete pleasure! it contains hardy laughs on every page! i look forward to the rain scene. and yes sure does sound like yoga to me too. thanks for the maha-book recommendation. there's nothing like good fiction to awaken the mental body- yoking myself to the right book- ah, some more yoga.

i started peeling off the heinous wallpaper in my childhood room. that means the serenity prayer had to come down off the wall for awhile...lily, the cat, immediately lays on it, then paws at it with her poor declawed paws. she gets up and lucy, the dog, licks it.

jaya ganesha

om om om

another roadside attraction, by tom robbins

beardness - this is the book i was recommending to you. the heroine, amanda ziller, is achingly sexy, and i think she's revising my idea of what that word means....i digress....

"the legendary seattle rain. it was a thin gray rain; hard and fast and cold. in it, we had to walk four blocks to the zillers' jeep - we were at its mercy. as was my custom in such elements i hunkered against the rain, drew my head into my collar, proceeded in misery. but my hosts, i soon noticed, reacted in quite another way. they strolled calmly and smoothly, their bodies perfectly relaxed. they did not hunch away their faces from the rain but rather glided through it. they directed their faces to it and did not flinch as it drummed their cheeks. they almost reveled in it. somehow, i found this significant. the zillers accepted the rain. they were not at odds with it, they did not deny it or combat it; they accepted it and went with it in harmony and ease. i tried it myself. i relaxed my neck and shoulders and turned my gaze into the wet. i let it do to me what it would. of course, it was not trying to do anything to me. what a silly notion. it was simply falling as rain should, and i a man, another phenomenon of nature, was sharing the space in which it fell. it was much better regarding it that way. i got no wetter than i would have otherwise, and if i did not actually enjoy the wetting, at least i was free of my tension. i could even smile. what i smiled at was the realization that i had been in the zillers' company less than fifteen minutes and already their example had altered my behavior. surely, i was on the right track."

buddy, if that's not yoga, i don't know what is!

serenity

i remember when nantucket island was changing. some more trees went down near the house where i was living, more wash-a-shores (myself included) arriving. a neighbor said to the loss of the wooded area, 'what we're losing here, is our serenity!' for many, serenity = a group of tall trees.

my latest and bravest travels have been back home to the heartland. hanging out
in b-town last weekend, my friend and i reminesce of our best high school buddies.
one such friend used to say catch phrases and funny little things that somehow defined his signature personality. he'd wisely say in many instances of doubt about gossip or in teasing some present company, 'if the shoe fits.' or we're walking along and see a penny on the ground, he'd bend down, scoop it up, and say 'find a penny, pick it up, all day long have good luck.' somehow this was very funny and sweet and not at all dorky, which surprises me thinking back to our tough teenage attitudes. he also delivered another gem...the serenity prayer. goes like this...

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things i cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference.

So, as i'm leaving my friend's apt. in b-town, she takes a homemade plaque of the serenity prayer down off her wall and gifts it to me. it's on natural-looking paper with flower petals in it, with blue ribbons and beads, the prayer is raised a level to get a 3-D effect.

Moral of the story...if you don't learn something the first time....life will bring the lesson back to you! oh yes.

With this, I'll leave you some f'ing special lyrics from John Lennon. It's been played on the radio 3x in the past 2 days. i am listening, God.

Instant Karma.

Instant Karma's gonna get you. Gonna knock you right on the head. You better get yourself together. Pretty soon you're gonna be dead. What in the world you thinking of. Laughing in the face of love. What on earth you trying to do. It's up to you. Yeah you.

Instant karma's gonna get you. Gonna look you right in the face. Better get yourself together darlin' Join the human race. How in the world you gonna see
Laughin' at fools like me. Who in the hell do you think you are A super star.
Well, right you are

Well we all shine on like the moon and the stars and the sun. Well we all shine on Everyone come on. Instant Karma's gonna get you. Gonna knock you off your feet. Better recognize your brothers Everyone you meet. Why in the world are we here. Surely not to live in pain and fear. Why on earth are you there when you're everywhere. Come on and get your share.

Well we all shine on like the moon and the stars and the sun Yeah we all shine on Come and on and on on on Yeah Yeah, Alright, uh huh Ah Well we all shine on like the moon and the stars and the sun Yeah we all shine on...

some words from krishna

I alone am real, Arjuna,
looking out, amused,
from deep within
the eyes of every creature.
I am the object of all knowledge,
Father and Mother of the world,
the source of all things.
I am the goal, The root, the witness,
home and refuge, dearest friend,
creation and annihilation,
everlasting seed and treasure.
I am the radiance of the sun,
I open or withhold the rainclouds,
I am immortality and death,
am being and non-being.
I am the Self, Arjuna, seated in the heart of every creature.
I am the origin, the middle, and the end that all must come to.
I am always with all beings:
I abandon no one and however great your inner darkness,
you are never separate from me.
Let your thoughts flow past you, calmly;
keep me near, at every moment;
trust me with your life, because I am you,
more than you yourself are.

Bhagavad-Gita

shiva

then one day i wake up to realize siva is so much more than the golden linga.
ha ha ha ha ha. i know you are laughing a loud laugh, mev.
Pillar of light cast on the wall, rainbows in the sink, spontaneous siva linga, makes itself know, anywhere.

friend drops off a new dance mix i find when i get home. and these beats just make
me crazy, i am in the funkiest costume in no time, yoga clothes and spring clothes
and a nightie, rhinestones, searching for the stick on bindis! thank you for setting me free for a minute in this dance, nataraj.

the gods and goddesses, an energy that we already are. have you embodied it? can you feel it in your body? can you feel it?

siva, the dancer, the erotic ascetic, the destroyer of illusion. and i felt it, the little awakening in my heart, that we are all part of the same singular light.

Namaste.

martha graham quote

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and as there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. "It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares with any other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. "No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatsoever at any time. There is a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”

more poetry for mev

Sometimes you appear as the peaceful helpmate
seated beside Shiva in quiet harmony.
Sometimes you manifest as the radiant cosmos
and its countless living beings.
Sometimes you play as the incomparable Radha,
courageous lover of Lord Krishna.
Other times you manifest as Mother Kundalini,
the evolutionary potency
coiled at the root of the subtle body.
But this mad poet refuses to pay heed
to any theology, any philosophy.
I can only weep:
Ma, Ma, Ma!
This is your sweetest name,
transcending all descriptions.

-Ramprasad