just to give you a glimpse of my setting - and sorry to any followers who are actually following, as i tend to write as though in a letter to a. beard. i awoke this morning with heavy sensey boobs and with it that heavy feeling of pms. i just have to say, i fucking hate pms. i feel like it's such bullshit, and a lot of times i think women use this as a valid excuse to fall into their own selfish bitchy mire. but then, it happens to me. laden with sadness - and the why being secondary, as i follow my mind into whatever sad thought will validate it. first i thought of my brother, going to iraq, or maybe not going to iraq. it made me teary-eyed. in meditation this morning, the image of a suicidal corpse on a funeral pyre found its way into my consciousness...this isn't something i often recall, but i feel like my mind just grabbed it: 'aHA! HeRE's something we can validate our shitty mood with.' insert kali growl here. and as soon as is surrender to the cantakerosity of it all, that kali rage takes over and says, no way! fuck that! - and now i'm angry at the mood itself.
neuroses, dude! duuuuude, neuroses like maya all over the place!
and of course there just so happens to be a program on the canadian talk radio dealing with depression, and they ask, 'is it our dUty to be happy?' our anonymous duty to the universe to be kind. [as always, it comes down to that simple but hard-as-all-fuck concept from the buddha-buddy: self-cherishing leads to all suffering. cherishing others leads to all happiness.] and isn't pms and moodiness just a way to cherish oneself, to look inside and feel so sorry for this piteous existence? we're such poor things, to have all of our faculties, to know the joy of a backbend, to have friends and families who love us - and love always being sort-of imperfect, but maybe that's what makes it all different shapes and sizes and perfect in that right.
take another step back to cherishing others - ah oui! our place in the Universe, not just in Little LaLa HeatherLand. oh right, doh! there's a whole fucking Un-i-verse out there, of which i am a part, and not only that, but a par-ti-ci-pant [that was michael fukumura's over-annunciation] - so do we have a duty? to participate, hell yes mama, we do.
**sorry for all the f-bombs, it's just been that kind of a day and i'm keepin' it real aB.
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